What Depression Looks Like In Teens & Young Adults
The transition period between being a child and becoming an adult can be nerve-racking. You may start to feel pressure from new responsibilities but are still being treated as a child by adults in your life. Major life changes or transitions can make you feel lost, and you may experience feeling or emotions you never felt before. Sometimes, this can even cause teenage depression.
Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses in young adults or teens. Symptoms of young adults’ depression may look different than when mental illness occurs later in life. Sadness or feeling like you need help is nothing to be ashamed about. Nearly 11% of young adults will experience depression. While that may not seem like a high percentage, one out of every ten young adults will be diagnosed with depression at some point. It may feel like you must fight this battle alone, or no one else knows how you feel, but people understand and want to help.
Although “depression” is a word commonly used in our social vocabulary it is a catch all word to describe/infer several distinct types of depression which, consist of various differing symptoms. Below are some of the more commonly understood depressive disorders and others that may not be as well known:
6 Types of depression
Major depression disorder
sadness occurring within a two-week period where functioning has significantly changed from previous levels. You may notice a loss of interest or pleasure and feelings of sadness, emptiness, hopelessness, changes in weight (loss or gain), changes in sleep patterns (more or less), and poor concentration.
Persistent Depressive disorder
symptoms of depression (as listed above) that last for at least one year in adolescents and two years in young adults.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorder
in the majority of menstrual cycles a week before menses feeling suddenly sad, increased sensitivity to rejection, irritability, tearfulness, anxiety, and lethargy. The symptoms start to improve within a few days after the onset of menses or become minimal or absent post-menses.
Substance/Medication-Induced Depressive Disorder
mood changes as a result of substance intoxication.
Perinatal Depression
a depression that is triggered by physical and hormonal changes during and after pregnancy.
Seasonal Affective Disorder/SEASONAL DEPRESSION
suffering from symptoms of depression during the winter months or when there is a decrease in natural sunlight.
Causes of young adult depression
There is no one cause of depression. However, we know that young adults and teens are faced with many life changes, like moving away from home for the first time or struggling with your identity. The life adjustments can lead to increased level of stress which can manifest into feelings of sadness, isolation, and loneliness. It is typical for anyone to experience "low" or "off" days. However, when these feelings persist, it can cause concern that there is something else going on. Often in adolescence and young adulthood, depression does not work alone. Other mental illnesses like anxiety or OCD may be diagnosed in tangent, which can worsen symptoms.
Adolescents that identify in the LGBTQ+ community are at an even higher risk of suffering from depression. In a 2022 national survey by The Trevor Project, LGBTQ+ youths reported experiencing symptoms of depression 58% of the time, and 45% had contemplated suicide this year. Challenges with depression may be due to oppression and discrimination at school or home. Teens in this community often do not feel heard or accepted for who they are or may not even feel safe enough to show their identity.
Adolescents who are frequently on social media may also be at a higher risk for developing depression. Social media presents an unrealistic version of people’s lives and teens looking at social media may feel like their lives are not as cool or fun. From 2010 to 2017, the rate of depression in adolescents increased by 57%. During this time, the rise of social media and influencers was also very prominent.
Common Symptoms of Depression
Everyone experiences depression differently, but there are common symptoms you may notice in yourself or others.
Anxiety
Sudden irritation or anger
Difficulty concentrating
Memory and decision
Loss of interest in activities or hobbies
Changes in sleep
Changes in appetite
A feeling of sadness or worthlessness.
Lack of energy
Aches, pains, stomach issues- depression can often manifest into physical problems.
Thoughts of self-harm and/or suicide
Symptoms of depression often work together. For example, if you are struggling with making decisions, like deciding where you want to go to eat, feelings of anxiety may arise. This anxiety may lead to simply not wanting to eat at all. Or a lack of energy and inability to get up in the morning may happen because you were restless the night before or felt like you did not need to sleep.
Depression symptoms experienced by teens are also different than symptoms experienced by adults. Adults are more prone to experience insomnia and are often sad or withdrawn. Teens with depression may experience irritability or anger. They also may begin to lose interest in afterschool activities, or their grades may significantly change. It’s important to recognize the differences between depression at different stages in life because it may help explain the sudden changes in someone’s behavior.
How therapy can help
The right counselor will help identify what type of depression you are experiencing and help you work through your experience. A counselor uses various techniques that can help alleviate the symptoms.
A common approach to treating depression is talk therapy. Talk therapy is done by talking to your counselor about your whats going on in your life. Your counselor may provide you with tools to help you work through problems or roadblocks you may be experiencing.
Asking for help or looking for treatment is challenging. But all it takes is one step. If you or your teen is experiencing symptoms of depression, it is essential to reach out to get the help you need.
DEPRESSION THERAPY FOR TEENS AND YOUNG ADULTS IN CHICAGO, IL
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. Therefore, at our Chicago, IL, area therapy practice, we offer evidence based mental health services for adolescents struggling with depression and more. Additionally, we offer yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Lastly, it’s also important to note that our therapists are LGBTQIA+ affirming.
BEGIN THERAPY FOR DEPRESSION WITH A SKILLED THERAPIST
So, if you are ready to begin therapy and looking for a therapist who can use truly evidence based practice in counseling sessions, we can help. Please, take the steps below to get started with in person or online therapy sessions.
Fill out a contact form or by calling our counseling practice at (224) 255-4411.
Begin therapy sessions with a skilled teen therapist.
Start you depression and creating a life you desire.
You deserve to find true healing. Going to therapy is never easy, but it absolutely can help and you working with a therapist using evidence based practice gives you the best possible route to feeling better. So, don’t stay stuck where you are right now. Reach out for support. Our therapists are here to help.
4 Tips for Transitioning from High School to College
Congrats to you! Completing high school and moving on to college is an exciting time of life. There is newfound independence and opportunities to try different things. There are also new and challenging responsibilities. With so much change happening all at once, it is common to experience nervousness, hesitation, and anxiety at the mere thought of college. Managing these feelings can be difficult, but utilizing some important tips and tools is a good way to create a smooth transition.
Welcome to College
Congrats to you! Completing high school and moving on to college is an exciting time of life. There is newfound independence and opportunities to try different things. There are also new and challenging responsibilities. With so much change happening all at once, it is common to experience nervousness, hesitation, and anxiety at the mere thought of college. Managing these feelings can be difficult, but utilizing some important tips and tools is a good way to create a smooth transition.
4 Tips for Smooth Transitioning to College
1. Fine-tune time management skills. Time management habits gained thus far will need to be adjusted and/or enhanced. College will test your time management skills almost immediately. Adapting to a new type of school schedule coupled with studying and other activities is a critical component of a smooth transition.
2. Get involved. First off, make sure to attend class. It is not always easy to show up. Especially when taking attendance is not routine in most classes, particularly in large lectures. Attending class will help you become more comfortable with your peers and your surroundings. Additionally, joining clubs or extracurricular activities gives you opportunities to socialize and feel part of something.
3. Take care of body and mind. You are now responsible for feeding yourself. A major component of a healthy lifestyle is diet. Ensure you eat healthily. This seems like a simple thing, but so many times nutrition is forgotten. Also, exercise or engage in an activity that relieves stress and makes you happy. Having a healthy body and mind is crucial for success.
4. Use available resources when needed. You may need assistance adjusting to a new environment, or just managing emotions. Most colleges and universities have resources such as social workers, counselors, or other professionals with the experience and expertise in giving you the tools needed to succeed. Do not hesitate to seek out help if you exhibit feelings of being overwhelmed or overly anxious.
You Are Not Alone
It is very normal to experience homesickness and loneliness when starting college. Following the tips above is a good way to help combat those feelings. Remember that most of your cohort feels the same way and that you are not alone. Reach out to your support system or mental health specialists if needed. Starting college does not mean you have everything figured out and are fully ready to be on your own. It takes time and oftentimes requires help.
How Therapy Can Help
If you or a family member anticipate having a difficult time transitioning to college, attending therapy sessions prior may be something to consider. Therapy can help provide useful and constructive tools needed to adjust to new surroundings and a new way of life. The experienced team at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness is available to provide counseling and therapy to those who need some extra help adjusting to college life.
How To Celebrate Pride Month Every Month
This past month, we have been celebrating pride. Pride is celebrated in June to commemorate the Stonewall uprising that occurred on June 28th, 1969, in New York City and was the catalyst for the Gay Liberation Movement. Even though Pride has been celebrated in June for over 50 years, President Bill Clinton officially declared June as Gay and Lesbian Pride month in 2000.
This was then expanded to include the whole LGBTQ+ community in 2011 by President Barack Obama. As June’s celebration comes to an end, it is important to remember that the fight for LGTBQ+ rights and equality is far from over and there is a vast history of how we got where we are now. Even if you do not identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, you can still help fight for equal rights every month of the year and acceptance for everyone as an ally.
An ally is someone who may not identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community but still supports and fights for others who are part of the community.
Being an ally is an important job. Ally voices are incredibly powerful and can help spur monumental change in society. Anyone in your life may identify in the LGBTQ+ community, even if you do not know it. Regardless if you know someone personally, it is important to fight for equal rights and opportunities for all. Below is a brief list on how you can begin or continue your ally journey.
1. Educate yourself
Read, watch videos, talk to people in the community about pride and what it means to them. Talk to people about their experiences or any discrimination they might have faced. Make an effort to learn about the LGBTQ+ community. Learn about different pronouns, differences in sexualities or gender expressions. Research which large companies support anti- LGBTQ organizations and which ones do not. It is important to note that some people may not feel comfortable talking about their identity, so don’t push them. Listed below are some great resources to read up on to start learning more about LGBTQ and pride: Human right campaign, GLAAD, The Trevor Project.
2. Speak out against discrimination
People in the LGBTQ community face discrimination daily. LGBTQ youth are especially affected by this and 84% of LGBTQ youth have reported harassment based on their gender or sexual identity. If you see someone being mistreated because of the way they identify, stand up for them. Let them know that they are supported. Advocate for LGBTQ+ folks. And, if this occurs in a school setting, offer to talk to the principal or superintendent about what you saw.
3. Support LGBTQ+ owned businesses
If you decide to celebrate pride by going out with friends or attending a parade, try and shop at businesses owned by LGBTQ+ individuals. Obviously, it is convenient to go to Walmart or target to quickly buy rainbow themed items, but sometimes these large companies do not always support the community in ways you think.
4. Listen or read LGBTQ+ voices
There are tons of podcasts, books, blogs etc. written or recorded by people in the LGBTQ+ communities. Some talk about current events or pushback being received right now. Others talk about the history and struggles faced years ago. There is a topic out there that will spark your interest. And when it does, it’s important to hear directly from the people impacted. By doing this, not only are you supporting the LGBTQ+ community, but there is also valuable information and stories to learn about.
5. Don’t assume someone’s sexuality or gender identify
Our society is always evolving. Many people are also just starting to discover their true self. It is important to remember that someone may not feel comfortable coming out just yet or maybe they are still figuring out how they identify. Assuming pieces of someone identify put them in a box and labels them in a certain way that they might not feel comfortable with. Remember to keep an open mind as an ally and be respectful of someone’s journey.
This is by no means a comprehensive list of ways to be an ally but hopefully gives you an idea of how to start being an ally. There are many more way to fight for and support the LGBTQ+ community. Whether you are just starting to learn about ways to be an ally or have been part of the fight for equality for years, your voice matters and can make an impact.
BEGIN LGTBQIA+ THERAPY IN CHICAGO, IL TODAY
At our Chicago, IL area therapy practice, we are honored to provide space and a supportive environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning individuals. We provide LGBTQIA+ therapy services for youth, adolescents, young adults and college students, and adults. Get started with these steps:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist.
Start authentically connecting with yourself and living life to the fullest!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with an LGBTQIA+ therapist at Obsidian, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. Our team feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, depression, trauma, and work stress. Additionally, we value the unique experiences of highly sensitive people and young adults and are happy to help them find balance in their lives. We hope that you take the leap to begin your healing journey with our team of specialized therapists whether online or in-person at our Chicago, IL-based counseling practice.
Unlock the Gate! Gatekeeping of Transaffirming Care and Procedures
What is Gatekeeping Related to Trans Healthcare?
Gatekeeping is defined as “the activity of controlling, and usually limiting, general access to something” (Oxford Languages). In the trans community it specifically refers to medical and healthcare professionals enacting policies that inhibit a person’s ability to access transaffirming care. This kind of gatekeeping is not new.
It is also a significant problem for trans individuals seeking any form of affirming care. Even if the professional’s intentions are good (such as wanting to protect a client/patient from a “mistake”) or self-focused (such as not wanting to be sued) these barriers are detrimental to trans health.
Australia’s TransHub defines gatekeeping as what happens when “health professionals place unnecessary and unfair hurdles in the path of affirmative care, and require trans and gender diverse patients to prove who we are and that we really want or need access to medically affirming care.”
Gatekeeping Trans Affirming Care can Take Many Forms
Here are some examples of common gatekeeping actions the trans community faces when accessing healthcare services:
Refusing to take on trans or gender diverse clients
Requiring unnecessary steps in order to access gender-affirming care. i.e. requiring a psychiatrist or endocrinologist assessment
Delaying gender affirming care without a clear health-based reason
Such as “watchful waiting,” a term used in conversation practices
Engaging in any sort of conversion or aversion therapy
Not providing all information or answers as to why a particular decision was made
Requiring trans and other gender diverse clients to adopt a strict binary (male/female) identity
Requiring invasive examinations or testing in order to access care
Over-inflation of regret rates
Gatekeeping is Detrimental and Dangerous for Trans Individuals
There is a growing body of research pointing to these practices as dehumanizing and dangerous. These practices place a burden of proof upon trans individuals. It demands they justify and explain their lived experience to an outsider until that person is satisfied they are “trans enough.”
When placed beside other mental health struggles “enough” sounds as ridiculous as it is. No one is asked to prove they are “depressed” enough or “anxious enough” or “abused enough” to receive care.
The suicide rate among transgender individuals is the highest among all gender expressions and is most commonly due to lack of support from others (especially family) and lack of body/gender congruence (the ongoing burden of living in a body that does not match one’s internal sense of self).
Given this, gender affirming care is not only medically necessary, it is lifesaving. From a professional standpoint gatekeeping is also unethical.
Two articles published in The American Journal of Bioethics argue that facial feminization surgery is not cosmetic but is medically necessary and should thus be covered by health insurance, and to do otherwise is unethical. If you would like to read them both you can access them for free here and here.
This article in the American Psychological Association’s (ACA) publication Psychotherapy provides insight into the current standards of care (SOC) laid out by the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), for better or worse. But it also posits that psychotherapy that assists the client in their transition – rather than gatekeeping or calling the shots – led to better outcomes.
Additionally, this article from Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity highlights the struggles of attempting to work with an uninformed therapist including the burden of education, gender avoidance, and gender repairing in addition to gatekeeping.
Resources Related to Personal Experiences of Gatekeeping
While we at Obsidian Counseling and Wellness are trans positive and happily support our trans clients whether their purpose in coming to us involves their transition journey or not, we cannot and should not speak for them. Here are a few resources that speak from personal experience with the medical gatekeeping of transgender care.
In 2016 the Journal of Adolescent Health published a first of its kind research article on the effects of gatekeeping on trans youth and their caregivers. It found that few trans youth “eligible for gender-affirming treatments actually receive them.”
Florence Ashley, a member of the law faculty at McGill University in Canada, provides a candid and insightful report on her experiences as a transwoman in Canada’s medical system.
Martin Hayes wrote for The Queen’s University Journal about the harm of baseless terms such as “transtrenders” and the “transmedicalists” who believe this notion.
Earlier this year American Scientist published an article highlighting the dangers of the current system and encouraging an informed consent model of care.
The Impact of Gatekeeping As Told By Trans Individuals
We spoke with two trans individuals about their experience with gatekeeping. Below is what they shared about their experiences:
Local Activist
We spoke with a local activist who asked to be anonymous about his experiences with gatekeeping during his on-going transition. He spoke about the difficulty of finding an affirming care team. He initially had to drive 1.5 hours one way on a weekly basis just to receive his hormone replacement therapy (HRT) which necessitated taking time off work on top of the cost of gas.
He also related to us the challenges in finding a surgeon to perform his mastectomy and spoke about doctors who refused to answer his questions until he booked an appointment only to then tell him “a flat out no.” This was after hours upon hours of calling offices and trying to use information from his insurance carrier that was years out of date.
Asha Ember
We also spoke with Asha Ember, an acquaintance of our therapist Kari Holman, to better understand her experience, as well. Here is some of what she shared with us:
“It's important to note my lived experience is my own…few people understand the magnetic pull of dysphoria, particularly at the beginning of transition. One day, you're not happy and there's nothing you can do about it, and you're used to that. It's like, "This life sucks, but it's my life," and you go numb. You don't even notice it happening with age. Pre-transition dysphoria is a lot like having a hand that's fallen so far asleep that you can stare at it and prod it, and for a moment part of your brain doesn't really accept it as a part of you.
“The dysphoria you feel when you come out is so much worse. It's like the moment you allow yourself to believe that you can change those things you once considered immutable about yourself, every single thing that prevents you from presenting becomes nightmarishly exaggerated or assumes an urgency that boarders on obsession (if not becomes an obsession). Like, one day I'm a dude who dresses in women's clothing and acts flamboyantly, and the next, I'm a really, really, really shitty woman. And it's awful.”
Informed Consent-Based Care as an Alternative
Informed consent-based care is an alternative model to gatekeeping that is growing in prominence. In this model care is inclusive, self-determined, and rights-based. If you want to read a solid article on the differences between and challenges to informed consent-based treatment and gatekeeping of trans clients please go here.
Now, it should be stated that informed-consent based care, like any model, is not perfect. It does not currently have guidelines on what to do if a healthcare professional has questions about this transperson’s ability to consent to treatment, such as unmanaged or poorly managed psychosis, schizophrenia spectrum disorder, or a memory disorder like Alzheimer’s or HIV dementia. This article from the International Journal of Medicine and this one from Psychiatric Services are two that take a look at this quandary.
However, this article from the South African Journal of Bioethics and Law argues the informed-consent model upholds the ethics of “do no harm” that is central to the mental health field better than the gatekeeping model. These ethics include respect for autonomy, non-maleficence, beneficence, and justice.
Advocate, Advocate, Advocate
If the three Ls of real estate are “location, location, location” then the three As here are advocate! Advocate! Advocate! Even when it is exhausting and frustrating it is the key to overcoming gatekeeping. It’s also helpful to have a trained professional in your corner to support you.
Consider Trans-affirming Therapy in Chicago, IL
The belief in the basic right and dignity of trans-affirming care is the reason our transgender specialist, Kari Holman and our other online therapists at our therapy practice based in Chicago, IL offer therapy directed at supporting you through every step of your gender exploration and transition journey via online therapy. We want to help you connect with yourself and begin healing from the comfort of your own home.
Take the steps below to get started:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with a trans affirming therapist to see if online therapy is a good fit.
Start connecting with yourself and experience the healing you deserve!
THERAPY SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. The team at our therapy practice feels honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
How to be an LGBTQIA+ ally: Tips from a Queer-Affirming Therapist in Chicago, IL
Every individual person holds many different identities, and it is likely that someone in your life identifies with the LGBTQIA+ community. Despite the increased support for the LGBTQIA+ community in recent years, members of this group still face barriers and discrimination in many aspects of their lives.
What does LGBTQIA+ mean?
The acronym LGBTQIA+ stands for all sexualities and gender identities, such as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, queer, intersex, asexual, pansexual, and allies. While the message of this phrase is meant to include all sexual identities and the wide-scale of gender fluidity, it is understood that no one term cannot encompass all the individuals who challenge social norms and the experiences they hold. Therefore, terms that best describe each person’s romantic, sexual, or gender identity continue to be created and shared across this community.
What does it mean to be an ally?
Generally, an ally is a person or group that provides assistance and support in an ongoing way. An LGBTQIA+ ally is responsible for helping the members of a community to feel supported, included, and advocated for. As an ally, you must continuously work to learn more about individuals in the community and understand both their shared and unique experiences. This knowledge aids allies in their actions to address barriers and fight for equality and justice.
How to be an LGBTQIA+ ally
Listen, learn and educate yourself
Do your own research on the history of this community
Don’t rely on the people of this community to educate you
Remain up to date on trending terms and current slang
Confirm the correct use of these words
Language Matters
Always use a person’s preferred name and pronouns
If you don’t know, ask in a respectful manner
Apologize and acknowledge when you mess up
Own up to your mistakes
Do not make assumptions
Never assume an individual’s sex, gender, or orientation
If you’re unsure, use neutral terms and ask if appropriate
Determine where and when an individual is comfortable using their chosen name and pronouns
If you’re unsure, ask if appropriate
Show your support
Speak up if anti-LGBTQIA statements are made around you
Explain how the statement is offensive and harmful
Speak up about the harm of gatekeeping for trans folx
Confront any forms of oppression that you become aware of
Correct others if they misgender someone
Challenge stereotypes that you come across
Show your Interest
Ask appropriate questions about LGBTQIA+ people’s lived experiences
Remind the person they don’t need to share if they aren’t comfortable
Make sure these are done in a safe space and remain confidential
These conversations should be with people you have established relationships with already
You Don’t Need to be an Expert to be an Ally
It is okay to not know everything about the LGBTQIA+ community, but it is important to continue to learn how you, as an ally, can best support those who identify as part of this community. Remember to always be sensitive, open-minded, and accepting when addressing the experiences of LGBTQIA+ people. If you would like more information on the ways that you can become an LGBTQIA+ ally, here are a few additional resources:
Here at Obsidian Counseling, we love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Begin LGTBQIA+ Therapy in Chicago, IL today
At our Chicago, IL area therapy practice, we are honored to provide space and a supportive environment for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and queer or questioning individuals. We provide LGBTQIA+ therapy services for youth, adolescents, young adults and college students, and adults. Get started with these steps:
Fill out a consult form here.
Meet with an LGBTQIA+ affirming therapist.
Start authentically connecting with yourself and living life to the fullest!
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with an LGBTQIA+ therapist at Obsidian, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. Our team feels honored to help guide folks along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, depression, trauma, and work stress. Additionally, we value the unique experiences of highly sensitive people and young adults and are happy to help them find balance in their lives. We hope that you take the leap to begin your healing journey with our team of specialized therapists whether online or in-person at our Chicago, IL-based counseling practice.
What is Self-Care, Really, and What Can it Look Like?
“Self Care” As a Term is Getting Popular
Interest in self-care has been growing of late. According to Google Trends, the number of searches for “self-care” have doubled since 2015. This month the term was at the center of Olympic discourse with Simone Biles withdrawing from her events for her self-care. “Do your self-care” is a mantra in the mental health field. Its meaning is relatively easy to figure out: take care of yourself.
But what does self care really look like?
But what does that mean, really, and what does it look like? The World Health Organization (WHO) defines self-care as “the ability of individuals, families and communities to promote health, prevent disease, maintain health, and to cope with illness and disability with or without the support of a healthcare provider.” As you can see, self-care is actually a broad concept that encompasses all aspects of a person’s life including hygiene, nutrition, and even environmental and socioeconomic factors.
In simpler terms, as the medically reviewed everydayhealth.com describes it, self-care is taking care of yourself so you can be healthy, well, do your job, help and care for others, and accomplish the things you want to in a day. As Brighid Courtney of the Wellness Council of America say:
“When self-care is regularly practiced, the benefits are broad and have even been linked to positive health outcomes such as reduced stress, improved immune system, increased productivity, and higher self-esteem.”
Self Care is Not Just “Treating Yourself”
Let’s start by making one thing clear: self-care is not the same as self-indulgence. The rallying cry of social media self-care seems to be “treat yourself!” While treating oneself is certainly an aspect of a solid self-care regime, spa days, booze, and retail therapy are not the end all and be all of self-care. Especially if they are just too expensive for you to do on the regular.
Self-care requires having some understanding of what makes yourself tick. What sorts of things make you feel recharged, replenished, and happy?
Maybe its cooking. Maybe it’s definitely not cooking. Maybe it’s living it up Friday night and then taking Saturday to yourself. Maybe it’s time with your kids and time without your kids. There are those opposites again. I have yet to meet a parent who does not savor both time with and away from their children.
Types of Self Care
As you may have gathered from the WHO definition above there are different types of self-care. Let’s take a look at a few so we can get closer to that answer of what self-care can look like:
Emotional Self-Care
This can include positive self-talk, a monthly massage, weekly bubble bath, saying “no” to things that cause unnecessary stress (including work requests!), scheduling a regular lunch date with a friend, or giving yourself permission to take a break.
Physical Self-Care
Physical self care can mean getting enough sleep on the regular, eating nourishing foods, finding some sort of exercise/physical activity routine that you can actually stick with (make it something you like rather than a chore), and getting your annual physical with your doctor.
Spiritual Self-Care
Spiritual self-care can be attending religious services but it can also be taking time to meditate or find a “guided imagery” video on YouTube, identifying three good things that happen each day, or keeping a gratitude journal or photo series. This can also include spending time in nature or any place that is peaceful for you.
Temporary Self-Care
These are acts or activities wherein you will benefit but the act but the benefit does not last for long after you finish. This could be the social connection of time with a friend or the calming effect of listening to a favorite playlist or taking a ten-minute break at work.
Enduring Self-Care
These acts have longer-term effects. This could mean reducing or quitting cigarettes, regular exercise that maintains muscle tone as you age or strengthens your heart. This could also mean mindfulness practices that over time lead to physical brain changes. Identifying three good things every day is one of my favorite mindfulness practices to teach clients because it is simple to do, takes little time, and has had demonstrable positive effects.
A Quick Aside for Three Good Things
I feel I should explain what this activity is as I have mentioned it twice. “Three good things” is any good thing that happened throughout the day. They do not have to be big like the completion of a project at work. And they are certainly not negatives wrapped in a positive like “My boss didn’t yell at me today.”
They are little things like:
· The sky is blue today.
· I saw a dog.
· I made it through that light before it turned yellow.
· A song I like played on the radio.
· A meme made me laugh.
I encourage clients to write these things down at first. Not necessarily to keep but to take note of and make sure they hit three a day. Over time one becomes able to find the three good things automatically, and frequently it becomes far more than just three things.
Let’s Summarize
At the end of the day, self-care is anything that helps you de-stress, carve out time for yourself, and bring you happiness. Even if it is just stepping outside to take a deep breath – that is quality self-care!
It can also be making daily tasks more enjoyable. You can pick a soap you particularly like the smell of and focus on the physical sensations of showering: the feeling of water hitting your skin, the sound within your shower, the smell of your soap… for even 10 minutes in the shower this is a more mindful and centering way to go about it rather than letting your brain run hog wild over all the stressful things awaiting you today.
Self Care Resources
If you would like more resources on the various ways you can do self-care here are just a few to get your started on this extensive topic:
Self-Care and Self-Compassion from U. of Toledo
9 Signs You Need Better Self-Care and May Be a Trauma Survivor
Taking Mindfulness Walks in the Chicago, IL area
Why Does Self-Care Sometimes Feel So Hard?
Why Self-Care Can Help You Manage Stress
7 Elements of Self-Care from Silver Hill Hospital
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following:
Genderfluid Makes it to the MCU – Why that’s Important and What is Still Left to Be Said
Last month Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) fans where abuzz with the official revelation that Loki, a god of Asgard from Norse mythology and purveyor of curved and pointy hats, is genderfluid and/or non-binary. Various publications have used either or both terms. For this post I am going with genderfluid based on this interview with actor Tom Hiddleston who has brought Marvel’s Loki to life for us.
Now, as a fan of mythology more than the MCU, I could not help but think of Sleipnir, Odin’s eight-legged horse, and chuckle. Sleipnir was Loki’s son after he turned in a horse, a female horse specifically, and birthed the mighty stallion. While I am all here for it, this corner of Norse mythology is probably one too far for the MCU.
My own amusement aside, this in-canon statement is significant for many, many people. Before we get to that let’s take a look at terms in play. Gender is a socially constructed expression. It is different from sex. The World Health Organizationsummarizes gender beautifully.
Non-binary (also spelled nonbinary) or genderqueer is an umbrella term for any gender identity that does not fall strictly into a male/female dichotomy. That is to say, a gender identity that is not strictly female or strictly male. From there the terms become more specific such as…
· Having two or more genders: bigender or trigender,
· Having no gender: agender, nongendered, genderless, genderfree,
· Having no name attached to gender: third gender or other-gendered,
· And fluctuating along the gender spectrum: gender fluid,
This is another reason I am going with genderfluid in this post – it appears to be most specific to the character. Granted, the mythological Loki may have been more species-fluid than genderfluid but, again, that is probably pushing the MCU a little too far. So, let’s get back to MCU Loki and why his gender identity in one of the most popular and expansive cinema franchises is so important.
Loki is an extremely popular character within the MCU. Many enjoy and identify with the trickster god of Asgard. Having such a popular character be genderfluid rather than writing him off as a shape-changing mischief maker opens many doors for fans and viewers.
For one, the validation this provides is huge. Loki is not a side character. He is not a footnote. He is so popular he has his own TV show. His gender identity is accepted and acceptable. It is a fundamental part of Loki’s identity and character just as it is for genderfluid fans. There will be viewers who are seeing themselves for the first time in Loki, have a name for their experience for the first time, or have had their experience validated for the first time.
For another, this is an entry point for difficult personal discussions. Representation always makes these conversations easier. A genderfluid individual can now use Loki as both a positive example and a jumping off point for conversations with the people in their lives.
There is, however, still much to be done. This is regrettable. Given Loki’s popularity so much could be done with and said about this character. I spent an hour with every search variation I could think of to find news articles exploring the importance of a main stream character outside of the gender binary. I was surprised that I could not find a single major or moderate publication that said anything more than “MCU Loki is genderfluid. It says so in the comics and mythology so here we are.”
I also checked with queer colleagues who are watching the show to confirm what is being done with this fact in the show. I was saddened to learn the answer is nothing, really. Loki is presenting as female but that appears to be it. This makes what was originally an exciting announcement feel more like token representation.
Tokenism is the practice of making a minimal effort or concession, particularly to a minority or oppressed group. This is regularly enacted when a company, property, etc. wants to give the appearance of being inclusive or accepting. The Guardian had two particular articles this year that highlighted companies that fund anti-LGBTQIA+ activities while also selling themed merchandise during Pride month. These articles can be found here and here. Dance Magazine also published a pointed and accurate article on tokenism earlier this year.
Tokenism is cheap. It is not a starting point so much as a throw away, and given Marvel’s justification that Loki is genderfluid in both the comics and the original mythology this new canon, while important, does not put the company at much risk. There has been nothing, so my research tells me, that cannot be edited out for foreign markets, such as China, were the MCU is also popular, as pointed out by The Federalist.
When all is said and done, Loki’s gender identity is important but as media consumers we should not stop at one-off token representation. We must continue to demand meaningful content and representation. Maybe we need to have the birth of Sleipnir in the MCU after all.
Are you looking for gender affirming mental health support in the Chicago, IL area?
Here at Obsidian, our therapists love what we do and we always do our best to give you the best we possibly can. We are LGBTQ+ affirming and want to provide a safe environment for people of all genders in Illinois struggling with trauma, parenting stress, anxiety, depression or other mental health concerns. If you ever need help or guidance, please do not hesitate to contact us at the following:
Self-Harm: A Symptom Not A Disorder
Self-harm, also called self-injury, is not an uncommon or new phenomenon. An estimated 2 million Americans engage in some form of self-injury. An analysis across 40 countries identified 17% of all people will self-harm during their lifetimes. The average age of first incident is 13 but individuals as young has 5 have been reported, and although young white women are the typical face of self-injury as many as 35% are men.
It can be very upsetting to learn a friend or family member has engaged in self-harm and difficult to understand. The purpose of this month’s blog post is to educate on what self-harm is and is not, separate the fact from the myths, and to provide some guiding resources on how to help a loved one who is self-harming.
What is Self-Harm?
By definition, self-harm is the deliberate act of harming one’s own body without suicidal intent. That is an important take away from this post: self-harm is not a failed suicide attempt. Self-harm, in many ways, is the anti-suicide. That being said, accidental suicide can happen particularly when an individual is under the influence of a substance. A common cause is cutting deeper than intended.
It is also important to understand that self-injury is not a mental disorder. It is a symptom of deeper distress and is a coping mechanism, which will be elaborated on below.
What are Common Myths about Self Harm?
I am starting off with the myths. I will explain some of these in further detail however, suffice to say, if it is on this list it is not true. For fuller explanations of each of these myths please visit The Recovery Village and this handout from Samaritans.org.
Specific self harm myths –
1) Self-harm is rare.
2) Young people self-harm to fit in.
3) It’s a way to manipulate others.
4) Only “emos” self-harm.
5) It’s just a phase that will soon be grown out of.
6) It’s just a bid for attention.
7) People who self-harm want to die.
8) Self-harm is a failed suicide attempt.
9) Only those who have been sexually abused self-harm.
10) All people who self-harm have been abused.
11) People who self-harm do not feel pain.
12) Self-harm is not treatable.
Why Do People Self-Harm?
In short, a person’s primary reason for self-harm generally fits into two rather broad categories:
1) Feeling too much emotion
2) Not feeling enough emotion
How either of these states comes into being requires a rather long answer. The summary is either a person does not know how to self-regulate their emotions (see point 1) and self-harm helps them with this, or, a person feels so numb inside that the pain from self-harm shows them “At least I’m still alive,” (see point 2) as one of my clients described it.
What Exactly is Self-Harm?
The general definition of self harm is any action deliberately harming oneself physically as a way of dealing with difficult or overwhelming emotions.
How do People Self-Harm?
There are a number of ways in which people can self harm. Cutting is the most common. However, other methods include burning, scratching, hair pulling, biting, picking at skin and wounds, and hitting one’s self and/or head.
Self-Harm as a Coping Tool
I tell all my clients the brain’s number one concern is our immediate survival. This is where I marvel at our brains. Our brains work so hard to protect us that they will come up with anything, do anything, as long as it works to protect us right here, right now. Because if we do not survive right now we are not going to be alive later to decide whether or not we regret what we just did.
The mind—which I conceptualize as our logical part with our critical thinking and problem-solving parts—decides whether or not something is a good idea. The problem is, even if the mind knows self-harm is a bad idea, as most who engage in self-harm know this, it needs to come up with a better alternative in order for the brain not to choose self-harm. Simply knowing “This is a bad idea” is not enough.
How many times have we heard dialogue like this in a movie?
“This is crazy!”
“Do you have a better idea?”
A similar conversation goes on between the brain and the mind.
Why is Self-Harm a Coping Tool?
First, why it works. Harm to the body increases adrenaline and endorphin production. This induces both a greater sense of control and a relaxation effect. These, in turn, help to tolerate one’s emotions and regulate the nervous system.
There are many reasons why a person may not have learned how to regulate their emotions and nervous system:
· It can be due to trauma throughout childhood.
· It could be due to parents who likewise do not know how to regulate their emotions and thus never modeled it for their child.
· It could also be a child getting lost in the shuffle of family life. Think “middle child syndrome.”
· It could also be a person who, for one reason or another, finds intense emotion distressing.
For those who feel numb and dead inside severe depression and trauma are frequently the root causes.
How Do I Help Someone Who Self Harms?
There is a lot of information out there on how you can help your loved ones if you suspect they are self-harming. Below is a few suggestions. For more information on each them please visit Banner Health and Mental Health First Aid.org. There are also more resources as the bottom of this post.
1) Avoid judgement
2) Reassure and be supportive
3) Express your concern comes from caring
4) Provided educational information/resources
5) Seek understanding
6) Do not dismiss
7) Do not ask for promises
8) Try to be accepting and normalize
9) Encourage professional help
Counseling & Help For Self Harm in the Chicago Area
As a therapist, I have worked with many, many clients who do or have self-harmed. If you like to speak to me or Ilyssa, or any other therapist on the Obsidian Counseling team, about helping you or a loved one with symptoms like this please do not hesitate to reach out to us. We offer online therapy to individuals in the Chicago area and throughout Illinois.
Take the steps below to begin therapy:
OTHER SERVICES AT OBSIDIAN COUNSELING AND WELLNESS
When you work with a therapist at our counseling practice in the Chicago, IL area, you will be met with compassion and authenticity. We won’t judge you, and we assume there are reasons for all of your actions…even self harm. We’re here to help you find healing and make meaningful change in your life. Our therapists are honored to help guide folks, including teenagers, along their healing process. Specifically, we help people in addressing anxiety, trauma, and work stress. One of our more unique services is yoga therapy, which can also be done using online sessions. Additionally, we specialize in supporting LGBTQIA+ folks for a variety of issues. We hope that you take the leap to begin counseling with us. You deserve it.
About the Author/Therapist
Kari Holman is an LCPC in Illinois who believes you are the expert on your own mental health. She is able to help clients with a wide range of mental health concerns and specializes in providing counseling and psychotherapy services to the Latinx and LGBTQIA communities. If you’re interested in working directly with Kari, or have any questions about this blog post, please call (847) 450-0460 or email her at kariholmancounseling@gmail.com.
Other Resources Related to Self Harm
For more resources on how to help someone who self-harms, including what to say or not say, please see the follow:
Self.com – 5 Helpful Things to Say to a Friend Who Self-Harms (and 3 to Avoid)